Life’s No Longer Rushing Me, So Why Am I Still Rushing Myself
This morning with my son as we leisurely ate breakfast at 9am.
The rushing of life began early on- as a child I was rushed to become an adult because that’s what happens when you have an addict for a parent. You learn learn about things way too young, you experience things that take away the innocence of your childhood, and you unintentionally become the emotional support for the other parent who’s the good sober parent. Psychology calls it parentification when the child reverses roles with their parents.
Even if I had grown up in a stable home the world rushes you soon after childhood to do all the things. Life has a way of placing these deadlines on us like we’re in a race to meet milestones. Work rushes us to be out of bed at a certain time and out the door soon after.
For the first time in my life I’m blessed to be living in a world where I’m rarely being rushed. After living in survival mode my entire life it’s as if my mind and body don’t know how to just be. My husband works extremely hard to allow me the ability to live out my dream job as a homemaker raising our son. No alarm clock to snooze five times, no clocking into the man- just a leisure romanticized morning with my son.
Here I am living out this huge blessing yet still I’m on a timeline. A timeline I’ve placed upon myself. Daily manic thoughts ensue: I need to be doing more. I’m not putting enough time and energy into my side hustle. I need to be creating more content on TikTok so I can gain more traction. I need to be writing more blog posts and creating more recipes. Posting more pins to Pinterest. MORE MORE MORE.
Why am I rushing myself when God is so clearly allowing me to just finally be. To finally play without fear of something catastrophic happening because I wasn’t given that luxury during my own childhood. God has given me to incredible gift of healing my childhood wounds by experiencing the childhood of my own son in such a way that’s completely opposite of the one I experienced.
With this experience comes the task of tearing down survival mode and learning to see the world with childlike eyes for one of the first times. It’s beautiful. It’s exhausting. Some days it’s even heartbreaking morning the lack thereof my own childhood. Each day I’m reminded of giving into the stillness of life and letting the rushing stand still even if it’s just for this moment in time.
Looking For More?
Do you panic when you realize you think you’ve lost Him amid the piles of daily tasks the same way you panic when you think you’ve lost your phone? Do you frantically search for Him like you do your phone?